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Today is the first day of stopping being so fucking fat getting back on track.

I went for my initial psychologist appointment today, and almost got my father reported for abuse which he kind of deserves. I'll be getting assigned my permanent doctor on Friday.

After I got out of my appointment, I went to go to my calculus homework in the library, and realized I forgot to copy my friend's notes, so I couldn't. I went outside to eat my breakfast/lunch:

• 15 baby carrots- 60 calories
• 7 raw almonds- 49 calories
• 1 cutie- 40 calories

After that, I realized I was crashing, and, despite the fact that I'm short on funds, decided to get a cup of coffee.

• starbucks grande coffee with soy milk, stevia- 45 calories?

Then it was time for my physics lab. I went to wait in the building with my coffee, and lo and behold, this guy who's interested in me (I'm not really sure if I reciprocate) came around the corner and we talked for a little bit, and I was super awkward, so he bowed out early, even though we both had a few minutes until class. I don't know how I feel about him, but I wanted to keep him liking me, so I would have longer to decide. Whatever.

I went to go study in the library with my friend after lab, and photocopied her calc notes. She ended up giving me:

• 1 saltine cracker- 13 calories

Finally time for getting my ass back in the gym, so I went to pilates and burned

• -195 calories

The class was super difficult, as I am extremely out of shape. I'm pretty certain the girl in front of me was anorexic, but that's just going from body type (extremely skinny, but with defined muscles). Whatever, she looked good to me. I was so self conscious the whole time because I was getting a good look at my fat, flabby, disgusting thighs.

There are too many thin people on campus. Too many thigh gaps walking around for my sanity.

I'm home now and I'm drinking a smoothie:

• 1 cup frozen strawberries- 50 calories
• 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk- 30 calories
• 2 tbsp hemp protein powder- 54 calories
• stevia- 0
• water- 0

So far my total is 341 calories consumed, 146 calories net.

I intend to go for a run later, and I'm definitely making something with Mexican type flavors for dinner.

I'll update later with the rest of today.

UPDATE

Tex Mex broccoli bowl

• 1 cup broccoli- 50 
• 1/2 black beans- 100
• 1/4 avocado- 63
• 2 tbsp salsa- 10
• garlic powder, onion powder, cilantro, cumin, cayanne- 30

I ended up not going for a run because it got dark and someone got raped in my neighborhood and fuck that.

Total calories: 594
Net calories: 399

Not a bad first day. I need to work on meeting my 50 calories per item, but aside from that, I just feel really good eating small again.


See you tomorrow,
Kate